Excerpt from Francis Bacon’s Of Everything

I did not call you from Justin’s phone due to the unmentionable circumstances of Wednesday night, however, I did go to Washington. It was incredible loads of fun, so I will not bother writing a miniscule fraction of the great quotations. Instead, a list of events that the hundred and six of us took part in:

Day 1 – 3 December 2003
  1. rise and shine at 5
  2. bus at 6 o’something
  3. some crappy movie
  4. Delaware rest area
  5. Batman
  6. Capital
  7. Vietnam Veterans Memorial
  8. Lincoln Memorial
  9. Jefferson Memorial
  10. Korean War Veterans Memorial
  11. ESPN Zone, where the TVs are over the urinals!
  12. Holiday Inn, where the doors are taped shut!
  13. sleeping with Charlie Cook, which I enjoyed thoroughly
Day 2 – 4 December 2003
  1. Kalner bangs on the door at 7
  2. all-you can eat, baby!
  3. Bureau of Engraving and Printing
  4. Arlington National cemetery (complete with Lee’s pad)
  5. National Archives
  6. transformation into Kalner
  7. Clifford (I was only awake for the first half of it.)
  8. Wayne’s World! Wayne’s World! Party time! Excellent!
  9. erasure of explicit messages from bus windows to welcome parents

Some of these events may be out of order, but I did my best to recall them, so be gentle.

Alex showing his middle fingers

Anthony took 680 photos, mostly of Justin or the floor, but there were a few gems such as this one of Alex Roth. To make the suckers out there trying to use Anthony’s mondo-slow, contract-breaching server jealous, I have a CD with all of his pictures. I certainly hope Justin’s Big Boy picture doesn’t get out.

I could have made that much more interesting with juicy quotations, but I feel that they are left for those who were on the trip. The laughter—the drama—the memories! I now take this time to tell Donnie and Marc that they are idiots for not going.

Thus concludes my discourse of DC.

Today was quite the ridiculous day in school, with Kalner checking me in the wall for no reason whatsoever, cake, and snow. The second snow of the season was the first real snow thereof. We had about six or seven inches and it is still coming down. The snow was so bad that the variety show I was going to go to today was postponed by thirty-eight days. We had a very lengthy snowball fight after classes, which was followed by ultimate frisbee. Yes, I am awesome. My ankles were numb and my nose bled from being held still to be barraged by snow (which was deserved for all of the barraging I did myself,) but I enjoyed myself.

Concluding a very light skimming of the surface of the interesting stuff of the past few days, I present a few causes of my recent intellectual pleasure.

(20:28:56) Lippy:
ur the schmuck
(20:29:03) Lippy:
schmuck boy
(20:30:38) Lippy:
so ha
(20:30:57) Me:
(20:31:23) Lippy:
(20:31:47) Lippy:
(inaudible laughter)
(20:32:01) Me:
yeah, w/e
(20:32:15) Lippy:
like, whatever?
(20:32:20) Lippy:
as if
(20:32:22) Me:
(20:32:45) Me:
FYI, PS, like, yuh-huh, i mean, whatever
(20:32:49) Me:
(20:33:07) Lippy:
like, i was like totally, and he was all, whatever
(20:33:54) Lippy:
then kimberly walked in and i was like, as if, and she was all, whatever
(20:34:06) Me:
yeah. let's stop.
(20:34:12) Lippy:
(20:34:29) Lippy:
(another joke is butchered by me)
(20:34:33) Lippy:

A Google search for miserable failure, a Google bomb created by bloggers, is perhaps the funniest abuse of the WWW since, well, this was not a well thought out sentence. Thanks to Andrew Satriano for the query.

Thanks to my parents for the Foot in Mouth Award.

I do believe this holds the record.

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This was written on Friday, December 05, 2003 by Lenny.